


Fashion Disaster

by MindfulWrath



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 13:58:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9660281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindfulWrath/pseuds/MindfulWrath
Summary: Taako tries to break it to Angus that his look is really not working.(For Ava, and the writing stream!)





	

The kilt. Has got. To go.

It’s not that there’s anything heinously wrong with kilts  _ in general, _ but honestly, the kid’s what—ten? Seven? How old  _ is _ the kid, actually? Humans grow up way too fast. Do they actually age faster than elves? What—

He’s getting sidetracked. The kilt. Bad. Fix it.

The problem, really, is how to  _ approach _ him about it. He gets so weirdly sensitive about the littlest things, like stealing his things, or losing that useless load of silverware. There’s no telling, maybe the kilt is some kind of inscrutably emotional family heirloom, too. His great-grandma’s tartan or something.

Taako  _ supposes _ it could be made to work, but everything else would have to change around it. Including Angus’s waist-to-hip ratio, which he probably shouldn't mention. If he got a less tacky shirt, maybe, and better socks, and shoes that tied it together. . . .

Realizing he’s thinking himself in circles, Taako takes a page out of Magnus’s book and just fucking  _ does it. _

He squats down in front of Angus and plucks the magnifying glass out of his hand.

“Oh!” Angus says, in that persistently pleasantly-surprised way he has with everything Taako does. “Hello, sir! What’s—what’s up? Is there—is there something going on? I was just investigating—”

“Your outfit fucking sucks,” says Taako.

Angus blinks at him. He makes that puppy-face he makes. There are, god dammit, tears welling in his eyes.

“Oh,” he says, frail and fragile and just  _ super _ sad. Times like this Taako feels he’s being manipulated. No one is that  _ sincere. _ No one actually  _ feels _ things like that. It’s a ploy. Gotta be.

“Listen, Aberdeen—”

“A-Angus, sir,” says Angus. His little lip is wibbling. Masterful play, pro strats from the McDonald kid. Tugs on the heart strings.

“Right, sure,  _ listen, _ Alex,” says Taako. He takes Angus by the shoulders. “The outfit. My guy. Kiddo. It’s bad. It’s just  _ bad. _ Like, I know my  _ shit _ with this. You look like you tripped into the donation bin at a Fantasy Goodwill and rolled it up like a fucking Katamari.”

“I don’t know what most of those words mean,” says Angus.

“Good, good, that’s good,” says Taako. “Mmkay, but listen, my dude. We gotta fix . . .  _ this.” _ He gestures to all of Angus.

“You just gestured to all of me.”

“Just your uh, just your fashion choices. Which are an extension of your most inner, truest self. And  _ ahah! _ Hate to break it to ya, bubula, but your most inner self is a fucking  _ disaster.” _

“Oh,” Angus says again.

“So that uh—that knockoff skirt you got there—”

“It’s a kilt, sir.”

“Sure, sure, it’s gotta go.”

Angus clutches the hem of the kilt in both little fists. He pouts up at Taako. Damn, the kid’s a  _ master. _ If Taako didn’t know better, he’d think he was legitimately upset. You know, if people actually  _ felt  _ things like ‘upset,’ which they don’t. All a ploy. Emotion-chess.

“But—but why, sir?” Angus asks.

“Uh, ‘cuz it sucks,” says Taako. “Look, August—”

“That’s much closer!”

“If you’re gonna be my  _ protégé, _ my mini-me, you gotta make me look  _ good. _ Mmkay? You can’t misrepresent  _ this.” _ He gestures to his face. “So we gotta get  _ this—” _ he gestures to all of Angus— “under control.”

The kid’s lip is still wibbling. His eyes are brimming with tears.

“Well—well okay, sir, if you say so,” he says. “I don’t—I don’t wanna—m-make you look bad.” He’s choking up. He can barely get the words out. He’s gonna start crying. Damn, the kid’s got Taako in check. This isn’t good.

Taako puts an avuncular arm around Angus’s shoulders.

“Hey, hey, it’s all to the good, baby,” he says smoothly. “It’s like a makeover. My treat.”

Angus sniffles. “A m-makeover?”

“Sure, sure, yeah.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.”

“Nah, of course not. C’mon, let’s go make you less awful. Your outfit, I mean.”

“Okay, sir!” says Angus. “Oh, can I have my magnifying glass back? I need it to look for clues.”

Taako tucks the aforementioned object up his sleeve.

“What magnifying glass?” he asks.


End file.
